Here is another batch of writer notes on Sorcery 101. If you want to read ahead on these got ahead on these head over to my patreon.
So this title page was originally not there. Much like the parts added to Wild Things, this chapter was longer than it should have been. During the redos I tried to make sure there was a stopping point every 30 pages or so. However, not much happens in these 30 pages other than Pat casting spells. So that’s what I focused on. This whole story arch as I said earlier is where stuff kinda got away from me and I started writing out scripts rather than just using my outline.
page 257 – 260
This scene is mostly the same between the two versions. I just tightened up the dialog. Stuff like saying the same thing with 1 sentence instead of two.
You get a little bit of Ally family back story to build up for later. She’s the only one that has dealt with Seth before Danny got blood bond to him.
I always like it when stuff goes on while characters are talking and they don’t notice in the background of stuff. That’s why I got the Danny unable to lift the chest of Pat’s stuff. Pat is much stronger than Danny, but actually not like crazy strong Ally could probably lift Pat’s box.
page 261- 265
I always like doing the strong light source with heavy blacks.
So you get more backstory on Ally’s family. I took out the info that Brad and Ally’s cousin used to date because it was clunky and ultimately didn’t matter.
Then when Ally and Brad go over what he’s doing while she’s gone, I changed the dialog to make it seem less like Ally was was treating Brad like a child.
Pat’s spell is in latin. Very ventus servitus.
page 266 – 273
And we meet Ally’s cousin, Rita, officially. In the redos I tried to give her a sorta pear-shaped body for variety sake.
Danny’s surprise that Pat’s spell worked should tell you how many times he has fucked up.
Cal’s whole 3rd degree of Pat in this scene got changed a bit. I wanted to make it clear that Pat knows something which isn’t common knowledge. It’s cluing Cal into the fact that Pat used to be a mage. And that will bite him in the ass later.
And Cal grabbing Pat’s coat like that is interfering, which is gonna bite Cal in the ass later.
Pat is so resigned to being treated like shit for being a vampire.
page 274 – 277
I had fun with the angles in this whole scene on the stairs.
Cal can be nice. He is super nice to Rita. But as stated in my notes earlier, Cal knew what he was doing ruining Danny’s date.
I always think about the age difference between immortals and normal folks they are dating. I would like to address that in general. Danny being on the cusp of when he’s gonna have to start flat out lying about his age helps that. But Sorcery 101 ultimately doesn’t get super into it. That’s for other stories.